I did'nt do crap today. I had one class this morning, but when I woke up, I was had the most agonizing tiredness that just overwhelmed me so bad, I couldn't bare to get out of bed. My mommy told me there were snow flurries outside and when I looked, the sidewalks and stuff was white. I was like, yo I'm tired...need sleep. So my mom let me sleep today. It's not a cut. I usually allow myself one cut per month so I don't get lazy and start skipping so many classes because that's how I failed math last semester. So one cut per month. But today was not a cut. It's a cut when I go somewhere else and do stuff. I stayed home today, since it's not a cut.
It was all in all a pretty slow day. I slept most of it away and when I woke up I had lunch and then drew a little bit. Then I got online around 3 and got off at six and then watched the 4th tape of Utena that my Maki-chan sent me. That story, though it's so damn good, is really freakin confusing. Once you think you get it, they screw shit up and it's like oing o.O! Where the hell that come from?? Aiya...but I still watch it, it's still good, and I still love Touga.
Now I just have the Hana Yuri Dango tapes left and then that's it, I'm done with my anime unless I get something else in between. -yawn- Okay no more anime talk...
I wrote more of Don't Cry Baby and my biggest fear right now with that, is that it'll start to get drawn out and boring. Because it's starting to get that way to me. I need to add something to it, to make it better. Which is what I'm doing to it now. I have to start shaking it up. Butterfly with Black Wings is actually coming pretty good. I thought that up on a whim, and surprisingly enough, I have a new idea on the horizon. I think...I'll name it...The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea Has anyone else noticed my trend in long winded titles all the sudden? Hmm how werid of me. O.o. Anywayz, yeah Devil..will be something a little more new. I'm trying to see if I can break new ground with this fic. Let's see if I can shock a little more huh? >) A few good lemons in between will also do just fine.
Delphain, the forum, not the fic, has moved!The New Delphain Babydoll worked on it today after I signed us up yesterday. And I also got a new server! Yes...finally. So I can start scanning and uploading soon. Oh damn I don't have film! >.< I have to get film for the breakers competetion tomorrow...aiya....I need more pics! Foine ass sexy breakerz...=D~~
Sheesh I was doing fine....I hate it when people complain about stupid shit. Like Babydoll said, I fight with my parents too, but you don't see me shouting and bitchin and moaning when you can't do nutthing about it. -rolling eyes- I hate when people complain like oh god, my mom won't buy me this or that, or they won't let me do this or that, I wanna die! -rolling eyes again- A tad dramatic are we? Let's just say someone is currently doing this to me as I blog....so annoying...
Anyway, with the moving in the H.5.T forum, it seems that the forum has slowed down dramtically. People are only posting to say good bye. It's really werid. I remember going there and having to scroll down about an entire page to see the new stuff. Now it's slow like it was a boring forum that just didn't make it. I refused to let my forum get so slow. I try...but I dunno...I guess I'll try harder with this one. That's why me and Babydoll make a good team I guess. She makes up all the pretty graphics, I just run it, find new stuff to post, write new stuff...and now that Maki-chan is posting her fic and everything, it's so much better to draw people in.
Moving along, I was talking to my friend the other day...and she's like a freak...(like me) and she ended up sending me this Not for young viewers, RATED X I laughed when I saw it because...well frankly it's just pretty funny. To me and my freaky, warped sense of humor anyway. Even though it's hentai, I still laughed. I'm werid I guess. I know, what can I do. Those little animated gif's of hentai crack me up. Some are funny, some are just nasty. That's one of the funny ones. Like I said to me anyway.
Oh god I am getting so sick and tired of this girl's bitching and moaning...like I can do something about it. Okay I'm ignoring her. I can't take this anymore. So annoying...geez...walk it off. -rolling eyes- my eyes are gonna get stuck that way. Well anywayz it's time for me to write. I can't take no more belly aching...geez this girl needs a life..or a man...but not Snow Raven unni's...mwhahha.
Now it's my turn to grip. Why, WHY the hell would you IM someone to let them know you're leaving and you can't talk? -.-;;;;;;;;stuuuuupid ass people in this world. So...it's true...Babydoll was right. Majority of this world are morons....and sadly, they all seem to find me...-.-;;; And NO Maki-chan, I don't mean you, you monkey...
One Luv~*
Friday, March 2, 2001 - 08:17 p.m. - kang ta's baby [ email ]
[ back up ]
Okay so it's March already. And in about 4 days, insidetheweb.com will shut down meaning I have to move my forum. But that's okay. Babydoll and I have already signed up with a new board. She's gonna mess with it tonight to get it all pretty and stuff, so it can work look just as pretty as the old board.
I was asked by a lot of people to release permission so my fics could be posted in web pages, forums, whatever....most of the time I say yes as long as I'm being made aware of what fics are going to be posted. So a while back, I wasn't too surprised when this girl running the SM Club asked to use my fics. I warned her though, right off the top, I'm better known my for g-fics rather then my normal ones. She said fine, she'll take my g-fics. Then I warned her, depending on what she chooses, there's lots of sex, violence, angst, and swearing like a mofo cuz I swear like constantly. She said...oh cursing? I'm like yeah, cursing, there's a lot of it. She was like oh that's okay, we can just edited it out.
O.O Edit....?
No excuse me, we don't edit My work. I curse in fics not because it's just the cool thing to do, but it adds to the emotion the person is feeling. Because of that, I quickly withdrew my offer of having my fics posted up in that page, because my work does NOT get edited. You either take it like it is, or don't take it at all. After that I told a friend what happened and she said it was better for me not to help them out anyway. So I wasn't bothered with them again.
Only today, I found out a friend of mine, is now running the damn thing, and she wants me to hand over my fics too. It's hard for me to say no to a friend, but I told her no because I don't want them edited. She said they wouldn't be. I offered fanarts and my few normal fics instead. Granted my normal fics were done in the earlier part of my writting so they kinda suck and aren't that good. I have one posted for the world to see at the FFL, called Love is Silent It has to be the most typical cookie cutter, boy gets girl, boy looses girl, other boy loves same girl, bad guy loves girl, everyone loves girl kinda fic. When I wrote it and it was posted and everyone liked it, I was proud and pleased. But then now as I somewhat progressed as an author, I re-read the work and I hate it. It sucks so bad and I get so mad at myself for writing such bullshit. I do the same with my g-fics. Like Adore, To Need You, CrestFallen, and How to Tame A PlayBoy have to be some of my worst fics. I really hate them now because they were so poorly written. I have few fics I'm proud of. The only ones I really liked that are good and I recommend to people are UnWorthy, Solitude, So Special, Delphain and Scars. All the others are just there. They have their moments...but ehh.
Anyway the point of all this is (because I'm rambling) is that, um...well I don't want my fics taken by everybody. I don't mind but...not if they'll be butchered.
I haven't done much today....just one class that I had to give a speech in...and I was like panicking because I had forgetten most of it so I winged it. I think I got a D....T.T;;;;; sucks. Oh well, at least I got it over with. After that I went home, watched the 3rd tape from Utena, which by the way I still love Touga. (Bad guy Bishie) I'm also still cornered into that date with that wacko but I got my excuse to get out of it. Aiya....
I wanted to see James so bad...but I didn't. But I still like him. I sorta do. I dunno I thinkhe's hot and he's constantly on my mnd so I guess I like him right? But I know like almost next to nothing about the guy. Oh well. Once I do fingure him out, I'll either like him more or just get over him. I'm hoping for the latter.
I'm still trying to get FTTS2....I'm going to NY the 14th for my art class. I have to write a quick paper on it too. SO me and 2 friends have decided to walk ina gallery take notes, then hit Manhatten and then go back and take the bus home with the rest of our class. Mwhahaha hey it's a free trip in and out of the city. No way in hell Imma waste it all going to sum art show and I hate modern art so much too. I like very little of it. And I'm not even going to Soho, I'm going to Chelese...I'm like greaaat. Whoopie
So when I go, I'll just pick it up then. Okay enuff rambling, time to write. I'm behind. Hehehe laterz.
One Luv~*
Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 10:44 p.m. - kang ta's baby [ email ]
[ back up ]
Okay....let me tell you guys what happened.
It totally set my day into a tailspin. But first a quick recap. I have a friend (GQ friend who I was waiting for this morning) He knows James, he's friends with James. I told him that I liked James and he said he would try and hook me up with him. Also the same guy that is friends with James and my friend, is like so in love with this girl. He changed his life for her and everything. So anyway, I go off campus for lunch with him, 2 other guys and 2 other girls that are friends of mine too. We all get seperated because the 2 girls need to go to another campus to drop off a book and one of the guys goes with them so it's just me and my GQ friend with the other guy. We go to Celluar One because the other guy needed his plan fixed for his cell. So me and my friend are sitting in the backseat talking and the next thing I know he just...kisses me.
I was too shocked to do anything at first but sit there and let him kiss me and he kept doing so. He put his arms around me and eventually the shock wore off and I kissed him back....sorta. When we pulled away, I looked out the window and saw his friend coming back and me and GQ just looked at each other and he's like don't tell anyone. I'm like okay I won't. (okay so I lied but it's not like he knows I'm posting this) And then the rest of the day goes on normal. When I had to leave for my 2 oclock class, I hug him goodbye and tell him to talk to James for me and he's like, what about me? Just gonna get through me and then go after James? I'm like....hunny it was never ABOUT you. It's always been about James since jump and he knew it. I don't know what the hell happened. It was werid.
And I have finally been cornered into a date. That werido wacko with the art lingo finally cornered me and me, already dodging him for the past 3 weeks finally ran out of excuses. T.T I had no choice but to cave and agree to see a movie with him. I have to break these plans. I also gotta let him know about James. Granted nothing may ever happen with me and James, but I don't want him to think I like him or anything when I so don't..... On top of that, my hands are purple.
I question myself about what the hell happened that I ened up here. Where did my turn go wrong? Aigo...I'm a flirt but never to that extreme....this was just...crazy. But on the upside, he did promise faster progress with James, and asked if it was okay to give my number to him. (I hope he don't because I wouldn't know what to say) -sigh- my life is so werid right now.
I miss my best friend and Kara still and my Babydoll too. I love my Maki-chan and all my other other dongsang (u know who you all are) -hugglez- The only thing right now that is makin me perk up so much is the breaking competion this weekend. ^.^ Breakers...woooooooooooooo
Okay that was my day...that and I had skin tea. Skin teeeeea!! Woo woo. this is just like my bangin bread thing. LOL Okay, thas all for now.
One Luv~*
Wednesday, February 28, 2001 - 09:31 p.m. - kang ta's baby [ email ]
[ back up ]
I'm killing in between five hours as I wait for my friend to get out of class at 10:30. It's almost 10 now so I'm okay. ^.~*
I'm actually really bored and I left my CD player at my house like a dork so I'm kinda pissed that I can't listen to J or Tajii or Li Ji Hoon as I sit here and try not to die. AigO....
The randomness of this is...uh werid do bare wit me.
I'm such a perv, but that's okay because, dude, Snow Raven and Dragon Girl unni-deul are just as bad, if not worse. In the chat the other day, Snow Raven and I were disscussing the many talents of Jae Won's magic fingers. MWhahahaha And of course the usual other topics....Junie's mushyness (J-E-L-L-O)and how we just wanna pinch him...Tony's lack off ass but excess bagagge up front, and how the length of Jae Won's fingers are hiding what he owns and how he may be a closet freak. o.O Also we talked about MY TAYA cuz YES damnit he IS MINE....(I had a little bit of an argument with chilhyun1979 about who he belongs too) I think everyone in da chat knew...except her. Anyway, we talked about his rolly hips...and why I wanna watch him hoola hoop. Sexy sexy.
I wanna write sooo bad. And I'm about too. Short fic, I'll prolly blog about that later on when i get home. Besides it's mad early in the morning now...I should be sleeping. But I look mad cute for James!!! My hair is down, washed and fluffy soft as I don my silver hoops, Hyukie frames, Taya pendant and a black shirt an gray dress pants. I put way too much effort in how I look sometimes and I really shouldn't. But I'm tired of James catching me in my most horrible outfits when I bum to school. It never fails I look like shit when I see him. No longer running the risk thanks.
I wanna watch my Utena tape at home!!!! T.T I still have Hanna Yuri Dango tapes to watch too. Aigo and the rest of Nightwalker. I never finished that after I saw it was so bad...but I'm more then through past the half way point. OH and besides that, thankies to my Babydoll, I have found a new server! Woo Woo good for me. ^_^
Oh, cute guy just walked by....
Anywayz, I guess that's all the randomness for now....no more till my day is done and not when I'm just now going through it I also have to switch servers....Netscape doesn't allow me to see my blog page. Isn't that wack?? AigO....aite, laterz.
One Luv~*
Wednesday, February 28, 2001 - 09:45 a.m. - kang ta's baby [ email ]
[ back up ]
Today was very much fun.
I had my art class...I BARELY so much as even looked at that psycho with the art lingo that likes me. Hahah all my friends were making fun of him basically because....well the guy is pretty much werid and sort of arrogant about his skillz. Anyway, we're all mean and stuff, so I don't care. He just needs to get the hint that he is NOT James.
When I was with my friend Jasmin, I was like, not to be conceided, because I'm SO NOT, I was like, what makes him think he has a chance with me? I mean he's a little out of his league. Granted, I'm NOT the bestest thing ever and I'm not Queen (I'm an empress...of lemons that is)so I should be flattered someone likes me....right? Wrong. I know my standards and I know who I'm good for and who's out of MY league. This guy has no clue...he needs to aim a little lower and for someone that equally has the anime life...cuz I sure as hell don't. He needs to leave me alone.
ANYWAY after art, I headed to the mall like I do every Tuesday and played 2 games of DDR. I am slowly getting better. Very slowly. After that my friend Jasmin headed back to drop me at class so I went in, found out it was cancled, I ran out and called Jasmin back on her cell and told her to come back and get me. Class was cancled. ^.^ So me and another friend Michelle and Jasmin, headed to see this guy my friend Michelle is seeing, and then we headed back to Menlo, played ANOTHER game of DDR and then I went home. ^.^ Fun fun fun fun.
I also got my tapes of Utena from my Maki-chan!! wooo I got 4 of them from the 2nd session but I onlee watched one so far. It's so good...I so love Utena. Anyway, that made my day all the better.
My Taya is blonde =D -squeel- I love him blonde. I love either so dat don't matter.
Yesterday's chat gang was great. I loved it. We talked about hands and lengths, buldges, sizes and butts and hips. And for once it was not about US. Females have a tendancy to talk about their bodies and how much they hate it, but we took it upon ourselves to talk about the H.O.T male body admiring for it was worth. >) Let's just say, we think Tony and Jae Won are well endowed and Jae Won is a closet freak. It's always the quiet ones man. They don't talk because they're thinking sumthin....o.O hmmm gotta definatly watch out for Wonnie.
Also the BEST OF news...for me anyway. I found out this Satuerday, there will be a break dancing competion that I will be attending!!! ^____^ Last year when I went, I met Mark and I managed to take his picture and stuff. Him in action and then when he was done. He was very nice and he seemed flattered that I wanted his picture. ^_^ Hoepfully he'll be back and damnit more cute guys!! ^_^ BREAKERS =D~~~~ SEXY......oh yeah. I'll be taking pictures and I'll be surfing for a new server so I can upload and link pics for you guys. ^.~* That way you can see the sexy breakers too.
-burp- Excuse me...just finished an orange. Anyway tommorrow I'll hopefully be taking Baby Chunsah with me to school with me so she can see James for herself. Then I have all day to fuck around. Isn't that fun? I got 5 hours in between classes again. Aish.
Joolez....I heard Shy Love @.@ MUST GET....I HEARD Taya....-squeel- my baby!!!! ^___________^
Love Kara -glompz on Kara- Hahaha okay now I have to go for realz.
One Luv~*
Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 08:17 p.m. - kang ta's baby [ email ]
[ back up ]
Okay, I didn't get a chance to blog yesterday and I really wanted too. I have to share what happened yesterday because I finally saw Jiho.
Okay we got there late because my genius friend swore practice started at 6:30. So we were 45 minutes late. ^^;;; Anyway, I sat quietly, because I'm not part of KSA my friend is. KSA is this dancing thing at Rutgers college where my lucky friend goes. Baby Chunsah (my friend) is a damn good dancer...and I couldn't recognize who Jiho was because everyone was dressed down you know? It's dancing practice. There four guys there, Jiho, Erine, Pete and Jeff. Erine, the smoker was nice. Quiet though, and he wore white pants that were ALL dirty hehehe but he was kind enough to give me a smoke as he talked about his dirty white pants that got all messed up because of the rain. Pete was the funny one. He was hiliroius and the really really nice one, that after practice was over, had the kindness to come to me and personally invite me to watch a performance he was giving in a few minutes. It was very nice of him. And he was funny. Jeff....was more or less the jerk, at least thats what Baby Chunsah said. Not a word was exchanged between Jeff and I. And Finally came Jiho.
I didn't recognize him because number one he wore a cap and that pulled all his hair back so I got a good look on at his face. It was upsetting because I realized he only looked good with his hair in his face. His skin was broken out on one side, his eyes were so narrow >.< and he had a nice smile but that was about it. When he did let his hair out from the cap it was very pretty and black angled to fall forward towards his mouth and short in the back. He was a good dancer and his voice was SO DEEP. If anyone ever watched Fushigi Yugi, he sounded just like Nakago. So that was pretty sexy. But I was so upset when I realzied that he wasn't that cute. He was just okay....he wasn't as pretty as I thought him to be, or that cute in fact. He was just one of those guys that have really nice hair. It's upsetting...so I guess it's all about James still.
I made Baby Chunsah leave practice early and I think she got mad at me. I didn't mean too and I felt really bad. I apologizeda million times but she was still mad. Aigo >.<
Joolez, no I didn't even get the FTTS 2 CD yet. >.< I WANT it now, more then ever just because you told me my Taya love sings in it! AHHH -squeel- Thas my baby. ^.^
There's too much drama going on about H.O.T breaking up. I'm really starting to hate it. It's coming to the point that my forum seems to be the only one that hasn't mentioned it. Which I wanna keep that way. My neck hurts so bad...I got a crik in it the other day from sleeping way too long. I got up at 3 in the afternoon and my neck was killing me. I can't tilt it forward or back or turn it to the right. It hurts like hell....still does. And today my knee was beginning to hurt yet again. Maki-chan, I'm getting Junie diease too. >.<
Okay I have too write too cuz I'm way behind. So that's it for now. I also have to go on my great new forum search because insidetheweb is closing down. =P boo. Okay laterz.
One Luv~*
Monday, February 26, 2001 - 05:16 p.m. - kang ta's baby [ email ]
[ back up ]
Since I don't have much to blog about today, I will make random sentenaces because I like to have everyday filled.
I did nothing all day but go to the dentist. Boo. No cavieties though ^.^
I wrote and it took forever. T.T But at least I finished.
I love Kara. She dropped me a quick IM to let me know she was still living. -glompz on Kara-
I wish I could have listened to Utada today. I was really in the mood. I couldn't dad was in the living room. Boo again.
I love my Taya baby so much.
Tomorrow I get to see Jiho -crosses fingers- Hopefully my mom won't give me shit about leaving with my friend to "go see a movie".
Hopefully Jiho won't cringe in fear and disgust when he sees me. ^^;;;;
I talked to an old friend who I haven't talked to for a long time because she shafted me and all her friends for her boyfriend who she eventually ended up fucking. She still had the nerve to call herself my unni.
I wasn't rude, but I wasn't friendly either.
I hate people that IM me to sit there quietly. Jinhee you know who I'm saying....
H.O.T is NOT breaking up. I'm sick of the bullshit.
I miss Gizmo....T.T
I think I'm the last one on the face of the earth that didn't see Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.
I love La Creme rotted milk (yogurt for those that don't know) It's skin flavored...yumm...(peach for those that don't know)
Why do certain people think I give two flying fucks when they tell me about pity little problems like who runs a forum? Babydoll you know who I mean...(money grubbing bitch)
I want a pair of Candy mittens....damnit.
Okay thats all for now until I get more time. ^.^
One Luv~*
Saturday, February 24, 2001 - 11:23 p.m. - kang ta's baby [ email ]
[ back up ]
Okay, so now it's the same date as before, but this is me being werid. ^.~* I wasted an entire day doing nothing. I chilled at home, and stayed in my jammies. I sat in front of my compy mostly, writting and then reading, and then drawing once I got off online. I ended up thinking about a new character for my anime, 36 Moons. His name will be Mikkie. He's gonna be mad pretty, unlike Toki who was pretty but had that touch of strength. Mikkie will be more, looks like glass, acts like steel. ^.~* Only problem is, geocities is not deciding to be stupid and not allow linked pics like angelfire. >.< DAMNIT. My Babydoll told me today. I was like noooooooooooo sucks!!!! Why does geocities wanna be all stupid and wack like angelfire?? Now I have to go and find a new server that allows links. UGH so wack. No wonder my Jinhee dongsang could see the drawings of my oppa. >.< Aish....
-yawn- I've been writing, with very little success because I've been talking lately to Maki-chan and my Babydoll. Aww my Babydoll is soooo cute. Hehehe Once I get her permission I'll show you guys what I mean. We also decided what my next layout for this blog will be. ^.^ But I'll keep that under wraps until it's actually up. ^.~*
Waaaaaaaah!! -glompz Joolez- I MUST get Fly to the Sky's new CD. My Taya wrote like 2 songs on that I think? One called Shy Love....^.^ -sigh- And anyway, I'm glomping on Joolez because she totally is giving up to my baby ^.~* you damn rite....*does 1Tym dance* He is talented. Mwhahahaha. He is much more then a pretty face. My pretty Taya love...-sigh- ^_____^ Big smiles....-picks off grapes feeds to Taya- Mwhahaha scary ne?
I'm listening to Utada Hikaru's song In My Room I like this song, but my favorite song by her besides Automatic is Give me a Reason I so think of Taya...well what doesn't make me think of him? Mwhahaha. Well now the songs done and I'm listening to Kaiken Phrase's Midnight Crow Also a good jam. I love way too much J-rock music. In fact that's what's on my Napster mostly. Cuz I don't bother d/ling K-pop because I already have the CD's. I know I'm werid.
UGH Dale called me. I thought I got rid of him. After a weeks worth of silence from his end, I thought he was gone but noooooooo...here he goes calling me again. Damnit. My phone was turned off and the minute I saw his number on my caller ID, I jumped up and turned off my cell phone too. I don't want to talk to him. Like that wacked out guy from my art class with the lingo. Geez.....the right feelings, the WRONG guys. T.T
-sigh- Okay I better write, before it gets to be too late. I have to work on The Butterfly with Black Wings and Don't Cry Baby before I run out of time. I hate leaving things half undone. =P laterz.
One Luv~*
Friday, February 23, 2001 - 08:44 p.m. - kang ta's baby [ email ]
[ back up ]
I'm still bored. Class was canceled. I had a class at 8AM and it was like alll white cuz of the snow, which I'm like damnit...oh well no class. Then I slept till almost 1 in the afternoon. ^_^
Yesterday I got to FINALLY talk to Kara. I missed her so much. It turned out she had the flu...and she was really sick and busy as usual. I missed her so much. But now she okay. She let me know before I went crazy. -glompz- I miss Kara. But now she okay.
I also got to talk to my friend May, who I haven't spoken to in a while. I missed her too. But shes fine, and everything is all good. She had me thinking she was a dependant drug user. But it turns out she was just being over dramtic. But it was good to hear from her. I missed so much.
Also, I finally got an email from my dongsang Zahra. I missed her too! She's been gone for a while. And now she's good to go. I missed her a lot. But this is a good chance for her to read my blog and find out what's been going on. ^.^ -waves to Zahra- Also, besides that, I realzied I finally get to hear from all the people I love and stuff. So I'm much happier.
I sounded depressed in yesterday's blog and I have no idea why. It's not like I even was. But now I'm cool. Werid. Also I forgot to mention how because on Wed. I have like 5 hours in between my classes, I'm gonna leave after my english class to pick up my friend so she can sit with me and fuck around with my friends as we talk about James. -sigh- James. heheheh let me stop. But OH....I'm going to this dance thing on Sunday with my friend, so I can see Jiho...I already mentioned that...o.O I was telling her the other day, she has so much things that people want and she doesn't appericate it. She's asked me, like what? I'm like well for one you have Jiho...she's like I knew you were going to say that, cuz your wack. Hahah so I am wack. I want Jiho so bad cuz he's just so hot. I also decided to see if I can gesture draw him as he moves around. ^.^ Maybe I could use him as my model...or just have it as mock pictures as I oogle him. Maybe I should do that with James. I'll get to know one of them better damnit. ^.^
Besides that, geocities is down, which sucks. I need my geocities. I remember reading about how Joolez hates geocities. Hahahah >.< she's always ready to kick it. Tee hee. I am too sumtymz.
The Butterfly with Black Wings, my new fic has finally been sent out. I started sending it last night, and the only reaction I got so far was from NRG, a damn good writter, the author of Chinadoll,Toy and now The Ties that Bind, all which I love and from my Maki chan. ^.^ She liked it so far. Hehehehe. Okay okay okay...it's only the afternoon....i should blog laterz and stuff.
But before I go, that werido wacked out guy with the art lingo is hounding me about a date. I'm like uhh I'm busy, God knows I actually have no life. I just...don't wanna hang out with him. I mean online he creeps me out, always trying to hug me and kiss me...and it's online... what a loser. I can't stand this. It's stupid...and kinda scary. Ugh...he needs to catch the hint. I need James or Jiho...this is crazy. >.< -shutters- Okay now I'm done. Laterz.
One Luv~*
Friday, February 23, 2001 - 03:27 p.m. - kang ta's baby [ email ]
[ back up ]
It snowed today. I like the cold, and I enjoy snow...but come on now...it's almost March. This needs to stop. I can't take the snow anymore and my public speaking class was canceled....which sucked because my drive to school takes a half an hour...so I basically wasted an hour and I even wrote a speech that was due today...and I didn't have to do it. Hahahaha. I wrote it in my car. -sigh- I was sleepy to, and my head hurts, and I'm hungry but I won't eat because I hate what my mom made for lunch >.<
I want James...still. And I found out that Jiho, (that's the dancing guy whos' name I couldn't spell before that knows my friend)hurt his ankle. =( He hurt himself yesterday and as much as I would love to just coddle him and baby him, he doesn't know me...T.T So it sucks. I also found he doesn't eat, lack of funds prevents this. I felt so bad for him and he's hungry a few times, but more the likely he denies it so no one feels bad for him. I'd love to buy him lunch, or dinner...but he would prolly look at me weird. So yeah, right now is all about Jiho. He's such a pretty thug...-sigh- Okay I need to stop.
I don't have anything to do today other then my english homework, but I'll do that later on tonight. I actually feel like napping, but I'll write instead. I'm not sleepy...just my body is weary. I feel a little down, probably because of the weather. It makes me think of death, mostly because that's what winter is. It's death. Everything dies as it gets cold, or it leaves....passes on. And it's gloomy a lot of the times and gray because of the weather. It's like a long mourning period. I wonder what mother earth is mourning since it's still snowing and it's almost March.
Aish, I'm not even depressed I have no idea why I sound like I am. I guess maybe because I'm looking towards me inital heart break when I find out neither Jiho or James is intrested. I have the best luck like that. But lucky for me, I can turn my emotions on and off like a light switch. ^.~* Except when it comes to Taya. Okay I better write, I need to stop rambling. Until later.
One Luv~*
Thursday, February 22, 2001 - 03:23 p.m. - kang ta's baby [ email ]
[ back up ]
Okay use our imaginations people because I don't have a pic of James.
I know I did before when I blogged about wack David, but I'm just now getting to know a little more about him. Well 1st of all...I found out yes, he is Korean and he's 19. Woo...and get this, he owns a cell phone company. o.O Aigo, fine, beautiful, smart, nice AND LOADED. Aigo I feel even less unworthy now. He really scares me now. Anyway, so I saw him today ^.^ I looked cute. Which is why I started dressing up every Wed. in case I see him. And today I did. He looked so good....we made eye contact a few times...I think he knows I like him. Well he should...his friend (who is also my friend) told him about me. he's trying to see if maybe something could happen...let's just hope. But with the luck I have, he prolly won't be intrested =T -sigh- But let's just hope anywayz huh? My friend was all like why don't you talk to James? I'm like, I can't. I get all flustered and I get nervous. And he sed, wow you really like him that much? I just nodded. I HATE liking somebody. AIgo...it's the biggest waste of time and energy. See this is time and energy...me talking about him because I HAVE to get him out of my system. He looks good too. Spiky hair, blond highlights, oval face wit round cheeks, million dollar smile, perfect lips, nice nose, chinky eyes, (so needs to get his eyebrows done though)his eyes are really small though. Haha but I dunno it works for him. And he's like GQ...jus dresses so nice...and Imma guess he's about 5'9, maybe 5'8...cuz I wore my platforms and he was still taller then me.
-smacks forhead- OKAY enuff about James!!!!!!! But he was my whole day. I hung out with his friend just talking about him. But anyway, after math class I came home and my oppa came over. ^.^ He modeled for me again. =D He was sleepy though. Hehehe so nice of him to come anywayz. ^.^ I managed to get 2 more sketches out of him before it became impossible to draw. Oppa sleeping He wasn't really sleeping...he just closed his eyes for a while as he talked to me. He just kept saying God I'm so tired...I'm really tired. I'm hungry too. Go get me a drink cuz I'm naked. XD Well....he was. Then, in the next pic, he was just like, ugh...don't make me get up and dressed..but he did. He sat up and got his boxers on. I had to shove away all my pillows and stuffed animals so he could not be tempted to lay down again. Oppa sitting up He was making laugh at this one...he just kept saying, I'm so skinny, why you make me do this? Yeah, I MAKE him do it. I put a gun to his head. Yup...dorky oppa.....T.T
Ohhhh good news. During the boredum of my math class I started my anime. Like I said Imma write it up and then like draw pics of the people in it, and certain scenes. I drew my first guy today =D His name is Toki. No last name yet cuz I put all my concenrtation into making him look good, but mean and evil at once. ^.^ Toki This is the beginnig of my anime where bad guy bishies WIN. MWHAHAH >)
Pray For You Isn't that pretty??? Maki-chan found it for me. -sigh- Taya is STILL the most beautiful man alive. The REAL most beautiful man on the face of the earth, universe, galaxy and the heavens too. ^_______^ Aigo I miss Kara. I think she like....died or sumthing. She hasn't blogged, or emailed me or nutthing. I'm really worried about her. I miss her so much. I wish I knew if she was okay. -sigh- So...Kara if you read this DROP ME A LINE so I know you're alive damnit. I don't appericate worrying about my friends when I can't get in my car and drive to your house to see you! Well I could, but that would take a reeeeeeeally long tym. Hahah okay, I better go write.
OH and the 1st part of the 36 Moons will be posted soon! So keep a look out ^.~*
One Luv~*
Wednesday, February 21, 2001 - 09:02 p.m. - kang ta's baby [ email ]
[ back up ]
Okay....remember how I was complaing before about how my art proff. said I had to draw from real life? No more anime, no more cartoons? Well I no longer care. ^.^ She assigned us a project today, saying we had to draw someone at home with a background. I was like WOOOOOOOOOOOO. *does 1Tym dance* It was great. I called my oppa when I got home at four and asked him to come model for me. He's done it before so he's use to it. I'll always be like oppa, come model for me, take off your shirt. Cuz he's a breaker and hence has REALLY NICE ABS. =D~~~~ Sexy sexy.
Anyway, since he's in town, visting, he came over at 6. We went to my room, (no fresh ideas, my mom was home) and I was like okay, strip and get in my bed. >) That sounded so wrong...mwhahaha but he did. He got in his boxers and hopped in my bed as I sat in a chair with my art book and began doing quick ruff skteches of him. He chose his own posses, and he stayed still. Well sorta. He kept talking through the 1st drawing. He tilted his head back and started singing Jingle Bells the SM version. T.T. He decided it would be funny to throw my concentration off. But I managed to finish. This is my 1st sketch, oppa laying down. Finally after some arguing, he shut up and let me finish. He had to take off his boxers so I could this drawing and I told him to keep them off....-sigh- but he wouldn't.
In the next drawing I asked him to sit up and open his eyes. So he did. But he put the boxers back on because when he sat up and tried to throw the sheets around his waist, you could see his butt. >) Awwww. Hahahha he also has little girl arms. >) But thas okay, I love my oppa anyhow. So in this drawing he decided to make me laugh and screw up a hundred times. But I managed to finish. 2nd drawing, oppa sitting up. So that's him. I started a third one, but he had to go. Boo...he promised me he'd return tomorrow so YAY!!!
That wacked out guy with the art lingo is STILL after me. Doesn't give up easy do he? He's like all in my face 24/7/365...and just when I thought I got rid of Dale. I dissed him today. He's all like, talking to me after class and I'm waiting for my friend...so then I go, okay bye! And walk out the class. My friend told me he had his arms open like he wanted a hug. >.< UGH NOOOOO. I do not make physical contact with...um...him. I'm iffy about my personal space. Unless you know...you're hot and sexy. Aigo. I wish he would leave me alone. I already told him I think he's a nice friend. Key word here would be friend. Man, why can't really hot guys like James come in my personal space. I'd have no problem if he wanted a hug. I'd give him a whole lot more then that too...mwahhahaha. I still have to find out what's going on with him tomorrow in between classes. Pray for me. I need a hot guy. Or maybe that guy from my friends dance group. Let's see how that goes. Like I said, Pray for me.
I watched part of Nightwalker today. It's not as good as I thought it would be, but the vamp bishie is HOT. His name is Shido. He's a good guy...T.T Booooo. But that's okay. I'll let it slide just this once. Hahahhaa. I'm dissapointed it's actually kinda bad. I read about it before, and first of all, I thought it was a movie. Second of all, it's not it's a series...third, it's pretty corney sumtymz, but it has it's moments. The art work is very pretty and well done. I think the story could be better. Aish...still over all I'm disapointed. So disapointed I didn't even finish watching the tape. I still have like...2 more episodes...not sure. -sigh- Oh well. I started it, now I'll finish it. =P Better. I gotta write. ^.~*
One Luv~*
Tuesday, February 20, 2001 - 08:27 p.m. - kang ta's baby [ email ]
[ back up ]
One Moment
one moment
to meet you
to hold you
i already know you
to have my own memories with you
share actions and experiences
not just words and stories
second hand thoughts
things youve done with people
that i know
intimately
but do i know you in that way?
your life told from many different
angles and vantage points
everything said
everything... you chose to tell me
Because you exposed your soul...
this can't be a 'hand-me-down' love
can't I feel you?
see you with my own eyes?
Be enveloped by your presence?
Your arms
first hand
to be held by you
one moment
to stop longing
to sear a chasm
that's been slowly
g r o w i n g
to fill it
with you essence...
and not my tears
saline clues that line
the rivulets in me
that have yet to be
completely filled by
you
one moment
not to cry
not to feel
to be still
lying with you
ceasing time
in this
one moment.
Wasn't that pretty? One of my best friends -we'll call her Baby Chunsah for her protection- wrote that for her love ^.^ Awwwwwww isn't that sweet. She'll deny it to no end that it wasn't for my oppa....but it WAS Awwww....hehehehe She's not good at expressiong herself with words...so she writes it on paper. This was kinda sudden though. hehehe. But was it was for MY OPPA...YEAH KP OPPA!!! WOOOOOOOO hahahhah okay let me stop.
So today I had the day off. No school. My friend -the one previously mentioned above did though- So when she was done with class, we went to the mall where I bought a new anime, called Nightwalker. -does 1Tym dance- Then I went to play DDR. I really suck. I need more practice. Tommorrow after my art class, I'll go play. ^_^ DDR is too fun though I get tired easily cuz I'm out of shape. So I'm practicing as much as I can. ^.~*
My same friend, is also into a dance thing called KSA and there is this HOT BEAUTIFUL guy named...well I dunno how to spell his name, so rather then butcher it, I'll jus say it's G. So yeah, G is hot...he's like sexy. He's my friends oppa....isn't that funni? We sweat each other's oppas. Hahahaha
Moving along, that werido wacked out guy with the art lingo, I think I finally scared him. Not away, but scared him. I told him I was down with g-fics/yaoi. Mwhahah he said to not bring it up with him. ^.~* Most guys aren't down with it anyway. They are just so closed minded. >.< Guy are easily homophobic....which is a bother. Except my oppa, who just doesn't care. He's like whatever, that's them, concidering one of his hyungs is gay...but um yeah...he don't care. And I'm explaing to this guy what 1x2 is hehehe. I think I made him sick. >) oh darn.
I should share more....but nah....i think I did enough damage for tonight. Dale stopped calling...yes...-does victory sign-. I so needed to stop hearing him....I think he stopped. I'm hoping he did. I don't wanna talk to him anymore. He was so smothering me. >.< No smothering...I'm drowning....-gasp-
Isn't this the cutest thing??? JunTa Bee I LOVE this pic. I found it at Aein unni's TonHyuk and JunTa forum. SO I didn't steal it, cuz I fully credit my unni. ^^;;;; Anyway...I love that pic. I don't have much else to ramble about other then, I started to write down the idea for my anime/manga...only to find out it's really hard. T.T I can drawn the charcters but to put it in story graphic novel forum is REALLY HARD. Okay...I got the idea...I will draw out the charcters, make bio's for them and like....post bits and pieces of the stories here...^_^ I have to get my manga started somewhere....hahhah okay, so look out for that soon. ^.~*
Must go write...I promised my maki-chan a short fic later on. And Joolez!!!!!!! I miss you. I jus thought about you really random like. Hahahaha ^.~*
One Luv~*
Monday, February 19, 2001 - 08:04 p.m. - kang ta's baby [ email ]
[ back up ]
- - kang ta's baby [ email ]
[ back up ]
I'm thinking of you
In my sleepless solitude tonight
If it's wrong to love you
Then my heart just won't let me be right
'Cause I've drowned in you
And I won't pull through
Without you by my side.
I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
Cause i can't go on
Living in this memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight
Baby can you feel me
Imagining I'm looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly
Vividly emblazoned in my mind
And yet you're so far
Like a distant star
I'm wishing on tonight
I was recently playing this song today by Mariah Carey called My All. I was really listening to the words, and it so fit what I feel for -of course- Taya. He was like on my mind the whole time that song was on. Actually a bunch of songs on that CD made me think of it. Until I get them all out of my system, I'll just write up the lyrics. ^.^
I went to see Down to Earth with my parents today. So I broke a date with Dale...he's actually beginning to smother me. So I went out with my parents then I went to Sam Goody to buy a new magazine which was Animerica. I was really excited about it, because one of my favorite anime's was featured. Vampire Hunter D, the new version! ^_^ I've been in love with this movie that came in the 1980's. It was one of the 1st anime's I was exposed to. It was beautiful and D was a bishie. This was the oringal concept of D done by Amano. I loved this pic. It's all painted because, Amano does most of his work painted. But now this is the new look for D New D which makes him look OH SO GOOD. =D~~ D has been one of my fav vamps for a while now...so I'm really happy this movie was getting re-done with even better art work, and all of Amano's oringal ideas included more throughly. Okay I'm done rambling about D. ^_^;;;;
It's only about 10:45 PM, and I don't have anything to do since I already wrote Don't Cry Baby and I don't know where my Maki-chan is or my Babydoll...or anyone else I really wanna talk too. At least I'm not being annoyed. I'm going to write later I guess. More of my new fic. ^.^
Anyway, with my guy problems, Dale is the only one there so far. He's just smothering me now. He keeps calling like everyday, like sometimes more then twice a day...and I'm like geez man...get off me. Back off my face mofo. Aish...too much. I don't like to be smothered and being called everyday. Once is fine, forget a day, I understand you have a life. But damn...I've never been so..persued before. Most girls would be loving my situation, being so glad a guy is calling them 24/7/365...but I'm not most girls. I guess I'm so jaded now a days, that I can't appericate this. I feel smothered though. Too much...aigo.
I was cruising through some X pages the other day and I came across the tarot cards. I didn't like Kamui's too much but Subabru's was sooo pretty. See...so pretty... So anyway, besides that, I didn't do much today. I read a little I wrote a little...and I thought about Taya. Nothing out of the oridnary. Three day weekend too. Mwhahahaha tym to sleep. ^.~* but for now, I'm just bored, waiting till 12 so I can watch OZ and then tomorrow at 10 I can watch Queer as Folk. -sigh- Okay time to go since I'm not doing anything but rambling. Hehehe Laterz~
One Luv~*
Saturday, February 17, 2001 - 10:25 p.m. - kang ta's baby [ email ]
[ back up ]
I love a protagonist.
I will sooner cheer a bad guy like...Harry Macdoogle from Outlaw Star, Nakago from Fushigi Yugi, Sephiroth from Final Fantasy 7, Android 17 from DBZ, Fiore from the Sailor Moon movie and so on, before I cheer for the good guys to win.
Good guys in anime, that are bishies, are rare to come by. Sure they're a few out there...Hotohori from FY, Gene from Outlaw Star, Subaru from X, Kamui from X...so on and so on. But I wish, most of the time they WERE bad. I mean come on. In the manga, Kaumi was bad at first....then that damn destiny thing kicked in...and then it sucked cuz he became good. But he's still a hottie... Case in point.... And Subaru is also a hottie and in the manga, he was only out to get that other guy because of what happened in Tokyo Babylon. And in Kenshin, Soujiro, was bad at first, then he became good. T.T
I love a bad guy bishie, but what I noticed in anime, they always DIE....T.T just because they bad. That sucked!!! Like in Outlaw Star, what happened to Harry near the end made me cry so much! I cried so hard those last few episodes. -sniffles- Harry...;.;
I swear I wanna create a manga where the bad guy lives and rules all!!!!!! MWHAHAHHA and all the good guys start winning, but then the bad guys get the upper hand, AND they're all bishies!!! MWHAHAHHA >) That way evil could rule and no one cute would die!!!
I swear I was so sad, because even in DBZ, Android 17 was killed!! T.T ugh that sucked so bad...and in Utena, Touga was like...wait no that happened in the movie. This is not a spoiler page. But just know something happend in the Adolencese of Utena which REALLY sucked for Touga. And Mikage during the Black Rose saga...T.T oh that sucked too. I hate it when the bad guy has to die...like in FY...Nakago...;.; -sob- I really cried...just like in FF7...I sobbed. It was not cool at all. -sob-
I mean there are good guy bishies, but I just like the bad ones better. ^.~*
But I was serious about my own series. I wish I could make one. I'd call it...the 36 Moons. o.O whoa that came out of nowhere. Well yeah...it would be this bad guy bishie front and they would kick ass and rule over Tokyo and...YEAH. -victory sign- Good dream to have...maybe I should actually work on it. But anime to be successful has to be intresting and have good art work an stuff....well the story would be good write? I am a writter after all. hahahah ^^;;;;
But this is me and my psycho ramblings...I might actually do this manga thing though. Let's see if I have the patients to even do ONE page. Hahaha (I won't.)
I FINALLY started work on a new fic called The Butterfly with Black Wings Currently unreleased. I wrote the second part out today....and since I have time, I'll write more of Don't Cry Baby
Aish...I can't wait till Tuesday. I get to go back to the mall and play DDR, my new favorite past time. MWhahaha even though I suck. It's just fun as hell. ^.~*
Oh yeah I'm also all mega happy because I got my stuff from Joolez. I got a LOT of H.O.T mag picz from the Tic Toc and perfume CFs which kicks ass cuz I love that tym. ^.~* and Shinhwa and Click-B posters! Woo Woo Joolez is the best.
-sigh- Okay time to write. ^.~*
One Luv~*
Friday, February 16, 2001 - 09:49 p.m. - kang ta's baby [ email ]
[ back up ]
You picked up the phone after seven rings
Even though I didn't say my name,
You knew my voice
The melody just flows naturally out of my lips
But I'm happiest when I lose my speech
Even when I'm having a bad day
When I see you, I forget about it.
When I don't see you, those are my rainy days
When I hear your voice, automatically the sun will shine
It's automatic
I'm happy only being next to you
Even when I'm just staring at you
My heart doesn't stop beating loudly
I cannot say no to you
I just can't help
It's automatic
When you hold me in your arms,
I feel like I'm in paradise
The feeling is like a bright light that will blind my sight
And when I close my eyes
I feel so good
It's automatic
My careless attitude makes you cautious
So I'll keep this a secret
That I am deeply in love you
Even on the days when you were hard to resist,
You always told me the truth
But when I cry alone those are my rainy days
When you touch me the sun will shine
It's automatic
Just by your presence you make my body warm
I cannot hide my feelings towards you,
I can't even breathe
I just can't help
It's automatic
When I connect to the internet,
The reflection against the computer screen
When I put my hand on the blinking cursor
I feel so warm
It's automatic
Just because I'm next to you doesn't mean I love you.
I just need you, it's not because I'm lonely
I just need you
It's automatic
When you hold me in your arms,
I feel like I'm in paradise
The feeling is like a bright light that will blind my sight
And when I close my eyes
I feel so good
It's automatic
That was Automatic by Utada Hikaru. I got the lyrics from my Babydoll Haya's site Anew So don't steal. I got permission. ^.~* (more or less...jus cuz I know her an I love my babydoll ) So anywayz, I'm still in my mushy gooshy, I love Taya mood. ^_^ Can you tell? I dunno why...well I'm always in this mood, but today espcially. Still reveling in the fact that my dongsang Jeanine emailed me with a subject that sed, Taya's Lez Unnie. ^_____^ -sqeel- And of course, Joolez blog from the other day still has me on cloud nine. ^.~*
Today I didn't have class, so I headed to see my friend Emanuel, who I constantly called "wack" and a "monkey". Hahaha We talked for like three hours straight because I have not seen him in almost two months. He still goes to high school, so it's harder for us to see each other. When I was a senior and he was a junior last year, everyone thought we were going out. I was like uh no...and this guy I just wanted to jump his bones, he even thought me and my boi went out. I was like >.< ack dude noooo....so yeah nothing ever happened. So we talked and I FINALLY got my damn book back. My Vampire Encyclopida that sums up all of Anne Rice's books. I finally got it back. -sigh- I missed it so much.
Anyway, things with Dale, are werid. he calls me often, so I know he likes me, and he ran the idea of a relationship past me which scared me. I've been out of practice for a while...so I'm scared. >.< And also, I found James had a girlfriend ( we all remember James, cutie with the cell phones with a nice butt? hahaha) but his girlfriend is in KALI....so umm...yeah. He may actually be avalible after all. My guy friend, who is also his guy friend, is going to work on him for me. But the thing is, let's say (for arguments sake) he IS intrested...what the hell would I do with Dale? I mean by comparision, James is like a zillion tymz hotter then Dale. But to be fair, Dale is nicer...and I know him better then James. But still....aish...
Screw it all, I'm staying with my Taya. -holds onto Taya-
I'm making up problems that don't even exisit yet! Aish. And to add to this little pile, that wacked werido from my art class likes me....T.T he just told me....and he wants to get to know me better and asked me on a date. Which is also scary....@.@ Why me? Why always me?
-sigh- I was also telling him about the shrine I have set up in my room to Taya. I scare more guys off that way. So sumtymz I jus keep it under wraps. Most guys can't handle the fact that I already love sumbody...so they get all jelouse...like my ex...or they just hate him...previous ex...or just get really upset...like the guy that I'm talking to now. MWhahaha. If I like the guy though, I just tell him how much my Taya means to me, and if he disses him, he gets a shot in the arm. ^_^
I have class tomorrow...I'm not too fond of going to it since I don't feel well. I heard a lot of people are getting sick now a days. Which scares me, because I may actually get to spring without getting sick once this winter session. -crosses fingers- I hope I make it...but with the way I'm feeling now, I don't think I may. I hope it's just a one day thing. AiGO....well I wrote today...but I think I'll write some more...I still got time. ^.^ I guess that's all for today. -sigh-
-still holding Taya protectivly- Gotta go everyone~ ^.~*
One Luv~*
Thursday, February 15, 2001 - 09:45 p.m. - kang ta's baby [ email ]
[ back up ]
This is a continuing version of the previous blog. ^.^
I finally got around to scanning more pics of my Taya love. My baby, is so beautiful, I had to pick from over 30 pics photography pics...so it wasn't easy. But I finally picked out a few. But before I get started to linking to my pics, which are mine, since I scanned them all (so don't steal), I got around to taking a pic of my pendant. I got it from the DNA set and I wore it all day today because of Valentine's Day. Tributing to him all day....hehehe ^.~* Well this is me wearing it, an upclose. Taya Pendant. I love this necklace. I wear it when I wear all black. And I also wore my ring... Taya ring. I plan on giving him this ring one day...when I see him. It says Dream on it...since he's my dream come true ^.^
Okay now on with the pics!!! I posted a few before, but now I took the time to scan more of his over all beauty, showing him through various stages. I scanned more of his recent ones, mostly because he was like...-sigh- very angelic like in them. Like this one... My baby is wearing white...like an angel. I often make that comparision. I like this one too, he does this cute little hand motion in this... Still in white... -sigh- I have a lot of him in white... Mostly because I had a lot of white pics. But once my white ones ran out, I got my ones of him in a leather jacket. -sigh- I scanned some likes these before, but I think I got the titles mixed up. But no matter I got it rite this tym. hehehhe First in the series I like this one a lot. Which one DON'T I like? Hahhaha well I like the up close of him. ^.^ Then, He does another little hand motion. ^.^ He's starting to get like Hee Jun. Hahahah. Another hand motion But he looks so damn cute doing it. -sigh-
But now, here's capturing him in his real nature. Angel I remember when I first saw this in the concert, I cried so much. They sang Promise of H.O.T and they came out in white robes and white wings. Kang Ta sang first and I cried so much....it was the beauty of him. But anyway, since he looks very angelic in that picture, I scanned it's counterpart. My angel in black I love the look on his face, the over intensity of his eyes and the stare...-sigh- but still so beautiful because of the way his hair is falling over his eyes. In this picture, it's the same intensity of his eyes, still having his hair over his face, but now in gray...
Back tracking a little to the third album, this has got to be the sexiest pic of him during Yul Mat Chul Line Up This one, not only including his beauty, you can see everyone else in the background ^.^ Then, in this pic, you can see my favorite look on him...well one of them. We Are The Future... In this pic, it reminds me of the MV, and I LOVE that MV because you can see his famous hip thrust! XD~~~ So damn sexy.
Back tracking even further, I'll show the youngness of him. He still looked so beautiful even as young. He's reaching for me. ^.^ Hahahaha but he's my baby of course he's reaching for me! -reaches back- ^_^ -holding Taya's hand- Anyway as I continue, still holding my baby's hand, here's a pic of him from his Heng Bok days, smiling! ^_^ Heng Bok smile Such a doll. ^____^
I was reading Jekkie Girl's blog earlier, and I love what she sed...my sweetie. Of course I'm going to marry him. And of course I'll invite you, because you know THAT BOI will be there....you need to get your dibs on him...but watch out cuz Kara might be there too. ^.~* I love when people understand how much I love and care for him. Does my personality suite him? I think it does, since I have made myself fit the mold. I was haf of the things he wanted...I just worked on the others since I wasn't too far off. I only want to make him happy...and if that meant letting him go, as much as it would hurt me, I would eventually let him go if he didn't want me. Granted my entire world would shatter, but I would let him go. T.T That's so sad...why would he let me go anyway? ^_____^ I'm everything he needs. All I wanna do is make him happy.
Is that a goal in life? Sure for me it is. Hahahha when I get those questionare forms to fill out and they ask me what I wanna do when I grow up, I always say the same thing. A writter and/or Kang Ta's wifey. -victory sign- That's a goal in my life I would be more then happy to persue. I can go on in dept and length about how I feel...and I do, this is why I write, so I can show the emotion. (except the bad stuff, God knows I would never want that to happen to him) But all the love and emotion, is mine....that's all real. -sigh-
And this, people, is the conclusion of my 2 part tribute to my love for Valentine's Day. ^_^
One Love~* An Chil Hyun
Wednesday, February 14, 2001 - 08:05 p.m. - kang ta's baby [ email ]
[ back up ]
This is just the beginning. I decided to write this in two parts, mostly because number one, as everyone knows I can talk about him for hours. (talk, write...whatever...) And it would take two blogs to write about his over all greatness -tee hee-. And number two, I'm in school and I have about two hours in between class. I already wasted 3 earlier.
On October 10th, 1978, (though Lunar calander often disagrees on the date) the most beautiful, most perfect man was born. Or graced this world with his presence, it's still undecided. His name, An Chil Hyun...or as he gradually became to be known as Kang Ta. My beloved.
Almost three years ago, going on four, I was lent a new tape, I had just gotten involved with H.O.T thinking Hee Jun was all it had to offer. (boy was I ever wrong) I put the tape and cheered through the shows, sung along with the performances, cried through the dramas and laughed through the skits in the beginning. Then Heng Bok came on. I turned around, waiting for Hee Jun's part to come on as I did other things. I wasn't intrested in anything else. So with my back turned, and my ears listening, I heard a beautiful voice.
I turned just in time to see him...Kang Ta. And it was all over from there. I fell in love head first, knowing that day, I saw the man I was destinied to marry. I saw my future husband right there and then. I couldn't stop myself from loving him. I traded in, every last Hee Jun picture I had collected for Kang Ta ones. I took down my starting Hee Jun shrine and shafted that all aside for Kang Ta. I also got hooked on the net, discovering pages, forums, sites all things related to H.O.T and to him. I started to learn...and the more I knew, the more I fell in love.
He's a crybaby, a sensative person, talented, creative, orignal and beautiful on top of that. I learned he was more then just a pretty face and a set of vocal cords...he was everything I ever sought in somebody. He was a dream come true. Something that stepped out of my mind and turned to flesh right in front of me. It was more then I ever dared to hope. Heaven plays a cruel trick though. Leave it to them to make a perfect man and then put him millions of miles out of reach. But you know that old saying...
There's nothing but space and oppertunity.
I began spending money like water, getting my hands on anything with his face on it, because his smile made me happy, the look in his eyes made feel warm, the style of his pose or stance could drive me crazy. I sought high and low for all their CD's, buying all of them in one shot, going flat broke, but being extremly happy. I even began to learn a whole new language...just to understand his words of passion better. One of the first things I ever learned, was I love you...because it was all I needed to say to him. As time passed, I began to hear how this was my obession. It wasn't love. But who are they to say what I feel?
I've heard it all...you're a stalker, you're a psycho fan, you're just like everyone else, love him, forget him. But why would I stalk him, if I know it makes him unhappy? Why would I be psycho, if I know what I'm doing? How could I be like everyone else, to just love him for his voice and when his fame passes him by, I'll go with it, when I know that's not real love. You can't claim love, if you're so quick to judge him on his mistakes.
During his DUI incident, I was not shocked or upset by it. I was upset that he had gone through so much greif...and you could plainly tell he regretted everything. I was more angry, at the so called "fans" That said they loved him, but left him, and started insulting him because he made a mistake. They were never real fans then. They all lied, and I wrote a declaration of anger, dedicated to how stupid, and fucking ignoarnt those people where. If I could have given him comfort through that time, and done nothing but hold him as he cried, I would have gladly done so. I would have held him for so long, not saying anything words, but with my presence as I would say in my silence, I'm here for you...I'll always be here for you. I would never leave you. Or how about the fans that loved him as a boy during his Candy days but where so quick to shaft him as he grew into a man during his Iyah days....because they didn't like the groups look. What kind of bullshit is that?
If you're a fan, and you claim to be a hard core fan, that means you stick with it through and through, not just when he looks good. Don't claim the title of you can't hold it, because then you were never a fan. Can I sit here and say, yes I've loved him no matter what? Yes I can. Because it's true. Because I have loved him since the moment I heard him sing, from the moment I saw him. I can forever prove my loyality, my passion and love.
People also love to say to me, he doesn't know you exisist...how can you love him? It's okay he doesn't know...I can actually say, it doesn't matter now, because he will know one day. They also say, he doesn't know you...well again...he will one day. I don't care. I'd wait for him, for all time to tell him...I'd wait forever...just for him. It doesn't mean, my life doesn't exisist, and I just sit at home waiting for him, I do go out, I have fun, I date, because I know I can't sit there in the dark just waiting. It doesn't work that way...I'm not insane.
But when the time is right, I'll go to him, and all my waiting will not be in vain.
My also biggest problem is other fans that "think" they can try and compete with me. Got news for all of ya'll. You can't. Give it up. I don't care if you think he's hot, if you think he's everything. Go ahead. But you can't have him. That's all there is to it. And don't claim the fame where there is none for ya. We've been through this before.
He means the world to me, and more. As days go on, in my life right now, I'm sad to say that he's the only guy in my life that can make me happy. No one else can. Because guys nowadays are wack.
Yeah I hear all your wack comments and your stares, prolly thinking I'm crazy. Well....like I give a fuck what anyone else thinks. My friends that are reading this those that I know are reading this -waves to jinhee, Hush, Kara, Joolez, Kell, Emmanuel, Maki-chan, Jeanine dongsang, chelle etc- they all know what's up.
This is part ONE of my tribute. The next part will continue with examples of his over all beauty, and the slow process of him becoming an angel with no wings, to a deity with a halo. ^-^
One Love ~*An Chil Hyun
Wednesday, February 21, 2001 - 12:30 p.m. - kang ta's baby [ email ]
[ back up ]
I'll be in bed by the time it's offically Valentines Day. Oh wellz. I think Dale sed he'd call...but I kinda hope he won't because I really just wanna talk to my best friend.
My ex-boyfriend, who is currently located in Seoul Korea just emailed me for White Day. He's all late. Hehehhe but it was really sweet of him. We remain as good friends but I haven't spoken to him since he left for Korea last June. So this is kinda sudden.
I wish I had more time so I could do my offical Kang Ta tribute but I'll have plently of time for that tomorrow. Hehehe. I have 5 hours in between classes so I can hopefully leave and go play DDR with my friend if I find her in time, which hopefully I will. ^.^
I the meantime, I will share my examples of love. ^_^ Small, non Taya ones because it's not offically V-day for me yet. This one, is a really dark example of love. Dark TonHyuk Love It's very gory but I love it anyway. i got it from Aein unni's forum, TonHyuk and JunTa So drop by there. Here's a sweeter example of TonHyuk love TonHyuk sleeps I love that one. Maki chan gave that to me. -waves to maki-
I don't have any JunTa ones today. I'm saving those. ^.~* Oh, talking to this one girl...she didn't give me her real name so I'll just call her happiplum ^.^ she told me about Blue-B a broken up J-rock band. It's a shame they broke up because the lead singer is just a hottie. I only have 2 pics of him but this is one. Warm Tatsuya His name is Tatsuya by the way. He's so pretty! I love the intensity of his eyes. Got Milk Damnit another one. He's a little more seductive in that one.
Okay that's all for now. Tomorrow is time for my tribute for my one and only...
Kang Ta
The reason I started saying One Luv...because he is my one love...-sigh-
One Luv~*
Tuesday, February 13, 2001 - 11:29 p.m. - kang ta's baby [ email ]
[ back up ]
A week ago I would have been all happy with high hopes about David about tomorrow. Just thinking about him calling me, and talking for hours....
But we all know how wack David is SO I don't expect much...as in nothing.
I never had a Valentine. Ever...for as long as I lived I never had a Valentine. Just my best friend -waves to D- She's the best Valentine I had to date. But the thing is, now that she has a real Valentine, I'm kinda in the dark. All my other friends have plans to see a special somebody...even if it's just a guy friend. I have nothing and no one...just me and my compy screen. ^_^
I actually don't care anymore. I use to be real down on V-day just because I would have nobody. I would black out the day on my calender and go blind to couples, presents, and red,pink and white things. I'd wear black and loath the wretched made up holiday. But now...it's like...pheesh whatever, just another day. I don't care anymore. All I have to look forward to is Villiantine's Day on Toonami, to see al my fav bad guys kick ass and to work on some fics and get lots of love from my dongsangz.
Also, tomorrow is when I pay complete tribute to the one I love the most. -sigh- The only guy now a days that makes me happy. Isn't that sad? He makes me happy and doesn't even know it....but he will one day. I'm not worried about that.
Today I had only one class, art then me a friend hit the town. We went to go buy her a coat then went to the mall where we played DDR!! WOO I love DDR. We made a promise to go every Tuesday so we can keep practicing and get really good. Who knows maybe one day, I'll learn to dance rite. hahahah. When we were at the arcade, this guy named Dale asked me for my number. I gave him my cell number. He was pretty cute too. 20...a flip and lives a town away from me. He's kinda thuggy lookin hahahha. He actually called me before. He seems sorta shy...but hey, he called nuff sed.
No hopes though. I have the worst luck when it comes to guys...even though I didn't pick him. He picked me. Which has...rarely happend. I saw another cute guy that worked at the restrant my friend and I went to have lunch in. His name was John...and he stuttered. It was cute though. All in all very adorable. But nothing happened. I just talked to him a couple of tymz because I make crazy wack friends. Hahahha.
Anyway, that's all for now because it's still early and I didn't write yet. Oh speaking of which I really should finish that 2 shot PWP called Rose Petals. A JunTa of course...my fav. ^.~* I guess I'll finish that for Valentine's Day. ^_^ my present for everyone. Heheheh
One Luv~*
Tuesday, February 13, 2001 - 08:06 p.m. - kang ta's baby [ email ]
[ back up ]
I had this really nice long blog before it was just a random thing, but fuckin AOL booted me off as I wrote it up. It was all erased and I didn't even get a chance to save it. FUCKING SHIT....I hate AOL when it does that to me.
T.T
I don't even feel like typing it up because it was so long, it get's me all pissed off to have to write it up all over again. I HATE AOL. It always boots somebody off. *kicks AOL* Yet I keep using it...that's because I haven't gotten around to getting DSL so I won't get booted off anymore.
I guess...I can type up a little of what I wrote before, just not with the detail because I'm all pissed off. Yesterday after I came back from NY I played DDR for the first time. It was pretty damn cool. Like Bust-A-Groove. I was okay but it was my first time.
My forum got vandalzied the other day. I wasn't even phased because the stupid, dumb ass, brainless bitch didn't even leave a name. Yeah so um...oh I'm so hurt. I got one thing to say, Babydoll Haya is a hacker. NEXT.
It was prolly sumone I offended but I don't give a rats ass. If I did I would apolgize, but this is me, not giving two flying fucks. -yawn-
Okay that's it because I forgot what I wrote because it was all random and I'm too mad to continue.
One Luv~*
Monday, February 12, 2001 - 09:20 p.m. - kang ta's baby [ email ]
[ back up ]
Okay, one of my favorite words in the world, -besides Taya ^.^- is wack.
Wack means....negative stuff. Like, Instead saying man that was bad, you man that was wack.
Because that's what meeting David was....wack. WACK T.T. It was the most UPMOST, dissapointing night of my life.
Okay here's what happened, I saw Hannibal with my parents in the moring, which was pretty good. Not as bad as the reviews say. And a few funny moments too. Then come 4 in the afternoon, I get up get re-dressed because I -duh-wanted to look cute. So I slip into my bellbottom blue jeans, matching jean coat, long sleeved Bebe shirt which is SO PHAT because the body of the shirt is white and the sleeves are black. I let down my long newly dyed hair -which i dyed for him- and put in my gold hoops and picked up my phone, bag, and keys and went out the door.
I picked up my friend around 4:30 and then we were at the train station around 4:45 and we bought tickets right there and then and by 5:45 we were in NY. I call David on my cell on my way out of Penn Station, letting him know I was there. He calls me back telling me to meet on 32nd street. I didn't realize it then, but 32nd street is LONG AS HELL. We went into K-town because that's were he was and me and my friend walk down 32nd hoping to see him. It's freezing cold, and we're hungry, but I really wanted to see him. So we walk. About 3 blocks later, I decided we can't find him, I might as well let him know. SO I page him, and tell him to meet us in front of New World Music. So we go there. I bought Lee Ji Hoon's 4.5 as we waited.
20 minutes later...he wasn't there. So I'm like aite, maybe he's still on 32nd, so we walk down one more block and then we go back to New World Music. At this point, I can't feel my hands anymore, and I'm cold and tired and hungry. So I'm like forget it, he can call me later. SO we go across the street and Opane is there, so we were going to go in there, and low and behold, David is standing there at the pay-phone. My friend wants to kill me because we spent almost 45 minutes in the cold waiting for him. And he was across the street the whole time. My friend, rather then killing David, goes inside Opane. David's friends take off so it's just me and him. I say hi, he sez hi. I say, that was my friend, she was cold so she went inside the store. He goes oh okay. Oh my friends just left, I have to go get them, I'll be right back.
Then I go inside Opane, we shop, and I'm so pissed. It was wack. he stayed there for like 2 seconds before he left. A moment later, my phone rings and it's him. He's like I have to wait for my friends, so can you call me later? I'm like yeah sure. Bye. Hang up...WACKNESS. WACK...so wack....my friend sees my complete and utter dissapointment on this. I feel like crap, because he just took off after seeing me for 2 seconds, -trying to say something?- and then that was it. And a completly shallow point of view, the camara LIES He wasn't that cute. He had the hair, but his face was...I dunno...different. And he was a bit on the thick side...like not fat but broad. Like he was a football player or something. The only good thing about him was the fact that he had really nice clothes.
I couldn't stop saying how wack it was...I had dinner with my friend after she gave me a comforting hug after I said, Why is it always me? Because it always is. Then we were going to go to CHina Town for more anime, but she didn't want to anymore so we just went back to Penn Station and went back home. I was onlee in New York for about an hour. I was dissapointed the whole time...I mean I didn't expect the greatest thing in the world to happen, but I'm saying at least a 1/2 hour converstaion would have been nice. I would be happy with 10 minutes. Anything longer then 5 seconds.
What's really werid is that he was so nice on the phone the other night. We talked for an hour, and he made me laugh and he was really nice. I don't know what happened. Maybe he was dissapointed too. -shrugs- I dunno. I just know it was SO WACK.
My friend called him fat >.< She sed, ew he really thinks that he's worth the effort or time to spend here? And he thinks you're gonna call him later? I did call him later...but only to let him know I was going home.
So that was it. I dunno...my friends kept asking how my date was....but it wasnm't really a date. It was a meeting. And a really short one at that. And it was so wack. And my friends kept saying he looked like Moon Hee Jun from H.O.T....-shakes head- He did NOT look ANYTHING like Hee Jun.
So all in all it was pretty damn wack to answer everyones question.
At least I got Lee Ji Hoon's CD and all 3 of my Baby's songs are SO HOT. In-Hyung, My Romance and Chun Ae. -smiles- And he was in the booklet thingy. =D -sigh- So in the end, Kang Ta was the one that made the most happiest.
Nutthin new there...
One Luv~*
Sunday, February 11, 2001 - 09:17 p.m. - kang ta's baby [ email ]
[ back up ]
-yawn- I'm so tired....I woke up today at 6:30 in the morning to get to class...and I'm still tired. I built too much of a tolerance to caffiene. I love that stuff. Anywayz, tomorrow, I'm going to NY. which is why this blog is called Last day.
I might see David 2morrow....I'm actually talking to him now since I paged him today...finally. T.T after I got the guts to do so. Can you believe I got nervous about paging him? Mostly because I never call anybody and it makes me nervous to do so. Even my long tym friends...so imagine having to beep sum1 like David. hehehee. I keep saying "I might see him" because with me...and the luck I have, no way...I dunno...but I'm still hoping. He's a cutie and I kinda wanna keep him....keep him...sheesh he's not a toy..
Okay, moving away from David, I was about to bust out my drawing skillz and draw something today...I was in the mood for bishie drawing...but nooooo I remembered what my art proff. sed to us. In our books, we are NOT allowed to draw anime or cartoon stuff. I was like WTF...she sed, draw from obeservation...so I was like fine...I'll draw from obeservation.... My boiz... THERE thats my life observation. Those are my boys, doing what they do best. hehehe I think the one in the middle came out best. Heheh otherwise, the one on the left came out good too...not the one on the right, even though my Babydoll said that one was pretty. ehehehhee
-yawn- I'm yawning and that took out all my sleep. ehehehe I'm sorta happy...I have more of firmer plan to see David...me and him are working out the details now...but still you never know. I'm nervous still. Aigo...nervous. I need to stop.
He's so cute. ^_^ hahahha he makes me laugh too...okay I need to stop. T.T this is ridculas...UGH -smacks forehead- I'm a dork. Aish I'm getting like chibi now. Hahahaha SC!!!
Aish see now I'm rambling....anyway, I'm not mad like yesterday...mostly cuz Jekkie Girl is the best -glompz JG- She wrote in the H.5.T as a reply to that whole wacked engament thing, she was like, oh sorry to say, but Kang Ta's Baby is gonna marry him one way or another so he's taken. MWhahahaha YEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS You DAMN RITE. -victory sign- Sawl minez....^___^ Oh and today I was checkin back all my pics of Taya and I was like damn...he just got more and more beautiful as he gets older...-sqeelz- I'm still standing by my thoughtz that he's not human. (too perfect) hehehhee
Okay I'm done rambling for the night. -glompz Kara- Miss ya!ehehehhe. Yeah now I'm really done...
One Luv~*
Friday, February 9, 2001 - 10:56 p.m. - kang ta's baby [ email ]
[ back up ]
Before you guys get scared, my blog was archived yet again because it was too long.
Thankies Babydoll.
This will be a rant on behave of my madness.
I'm so sick and tired of little fake heffiers that try to say they are "engaged" to MY, repeat MY Taya. Yeah I'm getting like Hush now, not caring who the hell I offend. But if you go to the H.5.T you'll see what I mean. It's not cute, it's really not. It's very childish. Not cute at all.
Is it possible to dislike something or someone for no reason at all? Yes. Check me. I don't know this girl but so far her last couple of posts have been really annoying me. I guess this one just topped it.
Fuckin shit man....we had this blog before, DO NOT STAKE CLAIM IN WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE. -shakes head- You may be wondering what makes me so special. EASY, I have the guts, the gaul, the nerve and the words to back each everyone of my words up. YEAH that's MY claim to fame, NEXT
I have to page David tomorrow. Jut one more day before I see him. Am I nervous? Yes. I'm going lighter in my hair...prolly to a light brown. That'll be nice for me.
I have class tomorrow at 8 in the morning. What a pain in the ass and I didn't do my homework yet again. Geez I'm going to fail this class. This is my English class. Okay this is the last time I don't do homework. Next time it's done I swear it. I can't afford to fail it.
-yawn- I have a few more minutes left and my Babydoll left me. I'm sorta mad at ceratin people in the H.5.T...but like all things, it'll pass. My Maki-chan left a little while ago. I wonder what Kara thinks about what I have to say about this whole thing because I know you Kara, who is prolly reading this...you'll check the H.5.T and see what I'm talking about....prolly Jekkie Girl too. Yeah I'm mean aren't I? Do I care, not espically espically since ya'll know me. Jekkie Girl I e-mailed you.
My oppa's page on Asian Avenue was finally up 2day. He linked my blog to his page! ^.^ so sweet. Anywayz, yeah he's all about Korean Pride...so check it out if ya'll really bored one day. His name der is Represtin4KP. The proud nationlist. Hehehehhe. Yeah anyway...I miss David and my Taya love. Some niffy sexy pics of him were posted before, they're archived with my last blogs too.
Okay thats all for now until later cuz it's tym for my headache having self to sleep and be out.
One Luv~*
Thursday, February 8, 2001 - 11:49 p.m. - kang ta's baby [ email ]
[ back up ]
about me
name: lez
b*d: 5.21
age: 18
loc: jerzee
mail: Akma27@aol.com
music: kpop mostly and jrock
fav artists: kangta, woohyuk, H.O.T, 1tym, drunken tiger, j,
shinhwa, gackt, and dir en grey.
fav anime: revolutinary girl utena, outlaw star, DBZ, gundam wing, kaikan phrase,
hana yuri dango, vampire hunter d, ninja scroll, vampire princess miyu, weiss
kreuz, nightwalker, rurounin kenshin, etc...
links
delphian
lez's fanfics
purachina
blogs
wahmeeh
eunha
shaBabeh!
http://maki_m.pitas.com
oh my joolia
archives
first / second / current
this design is brought to you by haya